Jews With Tools

True Stories of Life in Jewburbia


With the arrival of outdoor turkey fryers on the commercial market, every Thanksgiving you  read about some local who either burned down his carport or got third degree burns because he didn’t read the directions.  Luckily, my wife sat me down and made me read them prior to our first attempt at frying a turkey and by golly, I got it right… We were entertaining her entire non-Jewish family this year and I believe to this day that they are still mad at her for my pre-cooking direction reading as they were hoping to see a few explosions or at least a flare up or two.  To their disappointment, things went well even though one niece had a fire extinguisher and I was wearing goggles and a NASA –designed outfit just in case.  Three sets of neighbors were also watching from a safe distance and for their reward (and lack of support) they all got a small taste.

Now, one of my yearly rituals is to scan the papers on Black Friday and keep count of how many wahoos actually burned down their trailers by cooking inside or lit the kids on fire when the 500 degree oil overflowed into the open flame.  Who needs to read about the white sale at Macy’s or the big screen television blowouts when you have actual non-Jews stealing the headlines from people like me!  I think one day we will have a turkey frying Hall of Fame on the Internet.

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